I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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