When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
