My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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