Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
