I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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