Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
