I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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