Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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