Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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