nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
