I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
