They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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