Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
