I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
