"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
