i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
