the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
