Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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