he puts the penis in happiness.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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