i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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