i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
