shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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