You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
