let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
