So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
