I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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