My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this just has baby written all over it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
