so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
