Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
