Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
