I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
