But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
