like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
