i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
