I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
