??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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