some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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