it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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