Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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