your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
