Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
