Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
