Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
