i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
