if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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