Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
sarcasm needs its own font
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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