You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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