I just saw a hot homeless man
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
