i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
