I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
