The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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