On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
