Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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