Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
