So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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