I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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