Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
