dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
