she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Is it penis luge time yet?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
