It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
