Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
