She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
