Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
