Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
