i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
