i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
