Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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