I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
