I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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